Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with love’s grandiosity, the herculean sum of it I have for the people I get to fold into my life. Sometimes a monsoon swells up in my chest and I’m swept away by curling waves of enchantment, whirled about in a circumvolution of gratitude. Sometimes I’m thundered by awe; lightening-struck by cracks of concentrated mirth in my sky. And sometimes I feel like I just might spill over and my love could flood the room, punch out the windows, take over the streets. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have enough skin to hold it all in.
Sometimes I’m tugged by the urge to gather my people up into a giant copper tea cup and drink up; infuse them into the cells of my body. Sometimes I want to scoop out the space and make an ice cream cone of intimacy, dive in and let it run down my chin (funny how that word sounded out becomes “into-me-see”…*lightbulb*).
Sometimes, whilst belly-deep in filthy rich conversation, locking eyes with a person of mine, it feels like I might suddenly erupt into Incredible Hulk mode and my shirt could shred apart and my buttons pop off and I’d transmutate into a blissed-out, *happy-hearted monster (*The Hulk-hearted? hmm). Right there, right in front of everyone! And it’d be like, “Wow, that just happened,” and it would be slightly awkward but tender and honest. Like I just couldn’t help it. Like, “Aw, look how much she loves us! She made herself into a BEAST!”
Sometimes I find myself thinking of people and wishing I could knit them all into a big fuzzy afghan that I would then cloak myself in. Lay my body down on a plushy mound of grass under the high summer sun and nap in their communion. Lullabied by sweet honeycomb sacred safeness. I’d drift to sleep thinking of their faces and dream that we were fluorescent furry caterpillars weaving cocoons with our language. We would say, “We should make these pulse and glow in technicolor RAINBOW!” And we would all agree, and so it shall be. And then I’d wake up and swim in the delight that waking life is even sweeter than dreams. Because people. The real time rapture they are.
Sometimes I want to turn myself into a carnival and have the people squeal in glee on the Tilt-a-Whirl in me…like WHEEEEE…and waltz in the communal majesty we build out of “WE”.
And maybe i can’t do all that (i said maybe), so maybe i’ll just tell you this is how i feel and that these truthy words are the very cupcake center of my oozy woozy heart and maybe you could just get the bigness of who you are in my world and know that your presence is stamped all over it.
The Blyss Catalyst 