There are Behemoth Mountains to Forgive

There are behemoth mountains to forgive.

Of things calling for my grace. So there’s a whole lot of upwards movement. Along my climb, I offer up this:

I forgive the days too anguishing to bear

I forgive my collapsing when I could not bear them

I forgive the pain that comes of clinging

I forgive the attachment that’s led to suffering

I forgive the suffering that’s had a chokehold on me

I forgive the getting lost

I forgive giving up trying to find the way

I forgive the not knowing how

I forgive resisting what’s right in front of me

And behind. And ahead.

I forgive not always being the best version of me

I forgive the times I was actually the worst

I forgive how that got all over the people I love

I forgive the messes I’ve made

And the messes life’s made for me

I forgive the conviction that I myself am a mess

I forgive the emptiness when it descends

I forgive the darkness, and my hating the darkness

I forgive how long it sometimes takes to find my way out of the darkness

I forgive my own hate

I forgive how long i’ve chosen not to forgive until now

I forgive the cards life’s dealt me that I cursed as too much for one soul to bear

I forgive myself for the grudges I’ve held against life

I forgive the times when the blessings were lost on me

I forgive not being able to outrun my demons, the being swallowed up by them

I forgive the ugliness that’s brought out in me

I forgive the ways I’ve exploited my trauma, using it to become bitter or to isolate or push people away or stop me from serving my purpose

I forgive all that I haven’t yet done but always wanted to by now

I forgive what I’ve done that was a colossal waste of my time & energy

I forgive the mistakes

I forgive making the same ones again & again & still yet again

I forgive the anxious burning in me that has me feel so incomplete

I forgive my incompleteness

I forgive how many times I’ve had to start over. And over and over and over again. It seems like too many times

I forgive the judgement of that

I forgive withholding my Light from the world

I forgive forgetting who I am, what I am here for

I forgive the forgetting

I forgive the forgetting

And I promise to keep climbing these mountains of grace