The current pain is not the real pain. It is an incarnation of a bigger source with a rope ladder hooked to it that travels back through time to its original place. Be willing to feel your way back and look at what you haven’t wanted to look at. It takes on the form of a sinister lie. “I’m not good enough”…”I’m unwanted”…”I don’t belong”…”I’m all alone”…”they wouldn’t love me if they only knew me”…like that…Disfiguring narratives that run a toxic current throughout your life, ever-prompting you to either sabotage things to affirm their accuracy or exhaust yourself overcompensating to prove they’re dead wrong. Either way, they’re running you (ragged at that). Dig them up from their bedrock and deconstruct their programming by holding them up to the light and seeing them for what they are. Lies. Then acknowledge that YOU are the one still carrying them around, permitting them to steal your vitality and joy, and strip your ability to be present to what’s actually happening (versus experiencing the present as a trigger from something in the past). Feel how their energy feels in your body then give them love and release that energy — by moving, meditating, jumping vigorously, dancing, journaling, creating, communicating, visualizing, whatever feels good and right to you. Howl if you have to – just move it as it comes. All energy wants to flow through and out of you. As you do this, your current pain will simmer and you’ll gain back the power to deal with the circumstances that incited it. Have at it, self-healers!
Category: Shame / Guilt
Recovering Shameaholic
Just as any addiction, we can put ourselves in recovery from shame. Shame too has its way of weaving itself through your life, saturating your world. It too has its way with your body, soul, and mind, until you feel pulverized and worn. And so we can, if we choose, come to a place, empty and bedraggled from the war we’ve been through, dragging our done-for, weary bones to the doorstep of healing, and enter our recovery. And through that door is a commitment. Is a declaration. To rehab all the parts of ourselves that habitually go to shame as some kind penance. Or just plain awful habit (one we didn’t generate but copied). It ought to be a strict and consistent practice in the beginning, a daily one. A moment by moment one. Consciously choosing to give up the pull towards that ugly vice we’re weaning ourselves off of. Listening to the soft voice we can’t often hear over the loudness of shame, the one that so clearly tells us what it needs but we so often snuff out and deprive. Practice — until you’ve rebuilt yourself anew, liberated from the grips of shame and replacing it with self-love. So much self-love. Honor and compassion and grace, too. They’re all there. Because self-love is a gift that never stops yielding more of the juicy good stuff. That’s the kind of high I’m after. What say you? 🙏🏽
There are Behemoth Mountains to Forgive
There are behemoth mountains to forgive.
Of things calling for my grace. So there’s a whole lot of upwards movement. Along my climb, I offer up this:
I forgive the days too anguishing to bear
I forgive my collapsing when I could not bear them
I forgive the pain that comes of clinging
I forgive the attachment that’s led to suffering
I forgive the suffering that’s had a chokehold on me
I forgive the getting lost
I forgive giving up trying to find the way
I forgive the not knowing how
I forgive resisting what’s right in front of me
And behind. And ahead.
I forgive not always being the best version of me
I forgive the times I was actually the worst
I forgive how that got all over the people I love
I forgive the messes I’ve made
And the messes life’s made for me
I forgive the conviction that I myself am a mess
I forgive the emptiness when it descends
I forgive the darkness, and my hating the darkness
I forgive how long it sometimes takes to find my way out of the darkness
I forgive my own hate
I forgive how long i’ve chosen not to forgive until now
I forgive the cards life’s dealt me that I cursed as too much for one soul to bear
I forgive myself for the grudges I’ve held against life
I forgive the times when the blessings were lost on me
I forgive not being able to outrun my demons, the being swallowed up by them
I forgive the ugliness that’s brought out in me
I forgive the ways I’ve exploited my trauma, using it to become bitter or to isolate or push people away or stop me from serving my purpose
I forgive all that I haven’t yet done but always wanted to by now
I forgive what I’ve done that was a colossal waste of my time & energy
I forgive the mistakes
I forgive making the same ones again & again & still yet again
I forgive the anxious burning in me that has me feel so incomplete
I forgive my incompleteness
I forgive how many times I’ve had to start over. And over and over and over again. It seems like too many times
I forgive the judgement of that
I forgive withholding my Light from the world
I forgive forgetting who I am, what I am here for
I forgive the forgetting
I forgive the forgetting
And I promise to keep climbing these mountains of grace
The Dig.
And at the bottom of our shame is, “I want to be good, to know I’m okay, to be safe to be me….because I want to be loved.”
And so our shame, like everything else, is born of love too. Just some iteration of it that got contorted along the way. Be like an archaeologist in your own life, and you will always find that the dig leads you back to love, the source of all your expressions. And the source of a current can never change – and your life is essentially an energy current. Only what springs from the well of the source is ever-changing, yours to tweak, grow, till, exhume, or chuck out.
You have all the tools. You get to build what you want with whatever fertile or sometimes rotted lot you’ve got. You are enough to unearth and heal any shame, any misdeed that’s perpetrated your innocence, and get yourself back to the seat of the source.
Love. You. Same source. Same thing.
Happy digging, lovebeings.
The Dig
And at the bottom of our shame is, “I want to be good, to know I’m okay, to be safe to be me….because I want to be loved.”
And so our shame, like everything else, is born of love too. Just some iteration of it that got contorted along the way. Be like an archaeologist in your own life, and you will always find that the dig leads you back to love, the source of all your expressions. And the source of a current can never change (and your life is essentially an energy current). Only what the source yields is ever-changing, ever-springing forth newness, yours to tweak, till & harvest, exhume, or weed out.
You have all the tools. You get to build what you want with whatever fertile or sometimes rotted lot you’ve got. You are enough to unearth and heal any shame, any misdeed that’s perpetrated your innocence, and get yourself back to the seat of the source.
Love. You. Same source. Same thing.
Happy digging, Earthbeings.
The Blyss Catalyst 